I was on the window sill of the bathroom, looking out at the trees with my beady eyes and feeling the hint of a breeze on my long tail when it happened.
She entered, with a bucket and a bunch of clothes and checked thoroughly behind the door as though looking for something. She seemed satisfied with what she saw, and she closed the door.
Wait.. what? She closed the door!! How am I supposed to get out now? Ok she just turned on the shower. I’m just gonna be cool and silently slip past her and… AAARGH! She caught sight of me! Let me panic and run across the wall. She’s making some high pitched noises. Funny how they all make such predatory noises that instill fear, but none of them seem to try and eat us.
Okay so I’ve reached the door. Now all I need to do is find some crevice through which I can slip out. Dammit, why am I so much fatter than the average lizard? It’s gonna be impossible to squeeze through these tiny gaps. Maybe it’s because I ate that huge cockroach today. Mmm.. I can still taste it when I lick my lips.. Oh no!! She saw my tongue move! She seems to think it’s a sign of aggression or something, because she’s doing something weird with her face too - it looks all twisted. She seems to be breathing heavily. God please don’t let her come after me, I’m so terrified right now.
I’ve just been watching her for ages. Her bath doesn’t seem to be getting over at all. Her glare is constantly fixed on me and giving me the jitters. Now and then she keeps moving closer to take her soap or her shampoo, not tearing her eyes away from me for even a moment - like some kind of pre-killing stare. I think she’s trying to intimidate me. And to be honest, it’s working pretty well. Ugh, humans. I hate them. They’re everywhere. I’ve gone to hostel rooms, common rooms, bathrooms, toilets, and even just the corridor - they’re everywhere!
Oh look there’s a tiny gap above the hinge of the door. I’m just gonna fit myself into it as comfortably as I can, to avoid her murderous stare. It isn’t big enough for all of me, but only my tail and one leg can be seen by her now so I’m guessing she isn’t staring anymore. This is nice. I feel safe here, I’m just gonna exist here until she leaves.
She’s turned off the shower now and she’s putting on her clothes. They usually leave after they do that. I can smell the sweet scent of freedom in the… NO!! She’s tapping the door, trying to make me leave my comfy spot!! What a sadistic creature, WHY CAN’T SHE JUST LEAVE?! Ok finally she’s opening the door… Oh no. I have a feeling this might crush me to death. AARRGH I’m half out and I’m stuck! I did NOT think this through!! Omg my heart is racing so fast, I feel like the human can hear it and smell my fear. She’s looking at me again. I bet she’s enjoying torturing me like this - look at her, she’s practically shaking with excitement and sweating with joy. How do I get out of this now? The door is opening a little more. I’m not quite sure what to.. Hey! The human ran out in a hurry! I guess she had something more important to do.
Phew, that was close. This kind of thing keeps happening often - maybe I should just stop going to that bathroom. Yes, maybe I should return to the wilderness and live among the trees. Oh but look, there’s a bug in the bathroom above the tubelight. I’m gonna go sample it.....
Note to readers: For those of you who hate lizards as much as I do, please join me in hoping that those repulsive creatures go through the same amount of trauma as us when these things happen!
