A Close Shave

I was on the window sill of the bathroom, looking out at the trees with my beady eyes and feeling the hint of a breeze on my long tail when it happened.

She entered, with a bucket and a bunch of clothes and checked thoroughly behind the door as though looking for something. She seemed satisfied with what she saw, and she closed the door.

Wait.. what? She closed the door!! How am I supposed to get out now? Ok she just turned on the shower. I’m just gonna be cool and silently slip past her and… AAARGH! She caught sight of me! Let me panic and run across the wall. She’s making some high pitched noises. Funny how they all make such predatory noises that instill fear, but none of them seem to try and eat us.

Okay so I’ve reached the door. Now all I need to do is find some crevice through which I can slip out. Dammit, why am I so much fatter than the average lizard? It’s gonna be impossible to squeeze through these tiny gaps. Maybe it’s because I ate that huge cockroach today. Mmm.. I can still taste it when I lick my lips.. Oh no!! She saw my tongue move! She seems to think it’s a sign of aggression or something, because she’s doing something weird with her face too - it looks all twisted. She seems to be breathing heavily. God please don’t let her come after me, I’m so terrified right now.

I’ve just been watching her for ages. Her bath doesn’t seem to be getting over at all. Her glare is constantly fixed on me and giving me the jitters. Now and then she keeps moving closer to take her soap or her shampoo, not tearing her eyes away from me for even a moment - like some kind of pre-killing stare. I think she’s trying to intimidate me. And to be honest, it’s working pretty well. Ugh, humans. I hate them. They’re everywhere. I’ve gone to hostel rooms, common rooms, bathrooms, toilets, and even just the corridor - they’re everywhere!

Oh look there’s a tiny gap above the hinge of the door. I’m just gonna fit myself into it as comfortably as I can, to avoid her murderous stare. It isn’t big enough for all of me, but only my tail and one leg can be seen by her now so I’m guessing she isn’t staring anymore. This is nice. I feel safe here, I’m just gonna exist here until she leaves.

She’s turned off the shower now and she’s putting on her clothes. They usually leave after they do that. I can smell the sweet scent of freedom in the… NO!! She’s tapping the door, trying to make me leave my comfy spot!! What a sadistic creature, WHY CAN’T SHE JUST LEAVE?! Ok finally she’s opening the door… Oh no. I have a feeling this might crush me to death. AARRGH I’m half out and I’m stuck! I did NOT think this through!! Omg my heart is racing so fast, I feel like the human can hear it and smell my fear. She’s looking at me again. I bet she’s enjoying torturing me like this - look at her, she’s practically shaking with excitement and sweating with joy. How do I get out of this now? The door is opening a little more. I’m not quite sure what to.. Hey! The human ran out in a hurry! I guess she had something more important to do.

Phew, that was close. This kind of thing keeps happening often - maybe I should just stop going to that bathroom. Yes, maybe I should return to the wilderness and live among the trees. Oh but look, there’s a bug in the bathroom above the tubelight. I’m gonna go sample it.....

Note to readers: For those of you who hate lizards as much as I do, please join me in hoping that those repulsive creatures go through the same amount of trauma as us when these things happen!

The Answer

She held the tiny pill between her index finger and her thumb. It was pale blue, oval-shaped, and had a groove in the middle. So innocent and harmless in appearance, it could have been nothing more than allergy medication. She tried to read the writing on the pill, but her hand was shaking too much. Strangely, her mind was calm. It was as though somebody had shut off the connection between her brain and her quivering hand.

Was this it? Was this tiny pill the answer to all her wishes? Isn’t this what she had always wanted – a way to end it all without pain? She had always been afraid of pain. But they said this pill would put her in a peaceful slumber and slowly shut down all her organs without causing any kind of suffering. She had no idea that such a solution even existed. And now she was holding it in her hand. And yet – something seemed to be stopping her.

It felt like there was unfinished business. She had handwritten a note that contained the password to her laptop and the folder to be opened. In the folder, she had written a will of sorts - a word document with a list of her possessions and whom she wanted each of them to go to. The folder also contained a list of documents with personal goodbye messages to each of her friends and family members, and the e-mail IDs of the people they had to be mailed to. She thought to herself – suicide in the digital age. It made her smile – there was something morbidly humorous about it.

So everything was in order. What seemed incomplete then? Was it her life? Perhaps she was not ready to die. But she had already given this a lot of thought. The one tiny flame that was pushing her forward had also been extinguished. Since then, she had come to the conclusion that she was not ready to continue living either. She had known this for over six months now.

She placed the pill on her palm and stared at it, as though it had the answer written on it.

There were people who needed her. Surely she couldn’t put them through this. She had figured she was being a disappointment to everybody anyway, so this was the best time, if any. Would anybody really miss her? Would they just shed a few perfunctory tears at her funeral, or would it actually be hard to push her memory away when they needed to get back to their lives?

Surely the people who loved her would be sorely affected by the loss. But she was going to be free – she wouldn’t have to live with the guilt.

But she didn’t want to die with the guilt either.

She closed her fingers over the pill, confused.

Someday, with you

She watched him making dinner, he was humming all the while

Through lines of age, he looked at her and cast his dimpled smile

She thanked her stars for all the joy and love that filled their house

The perfect life that all began the day they said their vows

She breaks into a toothless grin at all his little jokes

A patch of wrinkled skin now veiled his long and crooked nose

Her stubborn hair turned white and grey, oh still so hard to tame

Fifty years had passed them by, but some things stayed the same

Every night, lay side by side, like every night before

She’d talk to him until she heard his silent gentle snore

On chilly nights, when wheezing hit, he’d wake up really sick

They tried his meds, but in the end, her warm hug did the trick

Sundays were their favourite, when the house became a zoo

The grandkids spent the day with them, and chaos would ensue

But through it all, at each other they’d wink in silent cheers

Watching what they’d chiseled out and sculpted through the years

Once upon a time they’d built sand castles in the sun

As time went by they’d taken shape and colour, one by one

Their life had been a dream come true in many different ways

A journey that has brought them to their precious numbered days